Bad Hair Days

“Hair is the first thing. And teeth the second. Hair and teeth. A man got those two things he's got it all.” - James Brown

“I think that the most important thing a woman can have- next to talent, of course- is her hairdresser.” - Joan Crawford

“The hair is the richest ornament of women.” - Martin Luther

“That’s why her hair is so big, it’s full of secrets” - Mean Girls

“Hair is power.” Madam CJ Walker

Girls aren’t supposed to lose their hair. 

I thought it was something that only happened to men, like prostate enlargement or the man flu.  

You’ve seen the shampoo commercials and magazine covers - you know what I’m talking about. Every woman is basically a mop, stick thin with a thick head of glowing radiant hair with like 15 fans blowing it all different directions so you can see it flutter around sexily.

(How it never gets stuck to their lip gloss, I’ll never know.) 

Indian women in particular are known for their silky midnight tresses. As Chris Rock highlights in his documentary, Good Hair, hair for wigs and extensions is one of India’s main exports. Indian women have so much hair, they’re giving it away. 

Sikhs often don’t even cut their hair as it is seen as a source of strength, health, and vitality.

Hair is holy. It’s a crown. It’s identity. 

My hair was silky straight, a deep reddish brown, and I wore it long. I grew it out for 10 years until it was brushing the backs of my knees. When it was braided, I’m sure it was strong enough to tow a truck with. I took great pride in it. 

It was gradual - I had so much  hair that it took me a while to realize it was all falling out until it was too late. I was horrified when I realized I had lost 60-70% of my hair density. My scalp was showing and my remaining strands were changing in texture from strong and silky to light and wispy. I felt brittle inside thinking about it - porous and hollow. I spent many months agonizing over it. Trying to hide and mask it. 

Few things compare to the helplessness of sitting on the bathroom floor with a clump of your hair in your hands knowing no force on the planet will attach it back to your scalp.  

I felt bitter and dismayed. I was in my twenties. This wasn’t supposed to be happening. What was wrong with me?

A trip to the dermatologist proved I was not dying. She did some blood work to confirm. I was simply balding. Yay? Maybe I could start dressing like Bruce Willis or the Rock and no one would notice.

She offered me some finasteride, or propecia, a drug that reduces how much of your testosterone turns into dihydrotestosterone or DHT. DHT is known to shrink and kill hair follicles in individuals who are sensitive to it. 

I didn’t want anything that would mess with my hormones too much. I had pretty adverse responses to medication like that in the past. My skin was too sensitive for minoxidil/Rogaine. She didn’t really seem to have any other answers for me at the time. 

I went back to a helpless and resigned and depressed place. At least men can grow a beard to compensate. I couldn’t even do that. 

The science was scattered and still emerging. The idea of a hair transplant filled me with shame and desperation. How much would it cost? I didn’t even know if it would be effective. Would I be down a couple grand with nothing to show but some scar tissue?

I felt ugly. I never let my boyfriend touch my hair fearing he might notice. I doubt my friends would want to sit with the discomfort of being seen with me. I could hardly stand to look at myself in the mirror without feeling tears pricking the sides of my eyes. Every time I saw anyone pass by with a full head of hair, I was filled with awe and bottomless envy. Why couldn’t I have this basic thing? Those people never even have to think twice about it. 

I lacked the confidence to apply for any jobs where I would be in the public eye. I just wanted to hide away in a little office space where no one could see me.

I started looking into realistic looking wigs and resigned myself to the fact that I should wait until my hair was sparse enough and then just shave it and get the wig. Or get really into hats.

The shame and self loathing were termites in my mind. 

You see, I’ve always had a problem with depression and anxiety. I think that was one of the reasons my hair started falling out in the first place. I had childhood traumas that compounded in adulthood and I had no one to teach me how to regulate my moods and emotions and instead of adapting I retreated. 

As a young adult, I worried about money, my aging parents, making a career and finding a partner and buying a house in the increasingly impossible market and it all felt like life was an enormous anvil just hanging over me. 

I was so afraid of life itself. I consistently played it safe and pulled further into myself. It turns out, this was making me weaker. My ability to deal with the world continued to atrophy as I pulled farther from it.

I used to meditate and exercise much more regularly in high school and college. But my diet was poor. My anxiety often made it difficult for me to digest food properly and when I became a vegetarian, I was young and un-trained so I often neglected my protein intake. 

I felt tired and lost all the time. 

I really just wanted to fall asleep and never wake up again.

The funny thing is that a lot of the awful things in my life turned out to be impetus for me to make positive changes. 

My hair restoration process was spurred forward in the most funny of ways. I saw a meme of celebrities with before and after photos of them. On the left were photos of them before they had money, and on the right were photos of them after they had made an obscene amount of money. 

The caption read: You’re not ugly, you’re just poor. One of the celebrities was Elon Musk. 

He seemed to have a much more pronounced jaw now and a full head of hair whereas before it was wispy and receding.

Musk has always been a bit of a weasel. He didn’t even found Tesla, he was just an early investor. He often has gotten lucky, and does not necessarily have the business acumen of a genius, even though I’m sure he would still (despite current events with twitter) consider himself one.

However, I owe him this: he led me to getting my hair back. Well, more of it. 

I became obsessed with finding out how Musk had gone from balding troll to fabio. 

I found that he had visited a clinic in Chicago that did stem cell therapy and PRP.

I became intrigued with stem cell therapy and contacted the clinic. The procedure would use my own stem cells extracted from bone marrow and was 3000 dollars. It was effective in restoring hair in most of the patients that tried it. 

I was still skeptical but this seemed like a more promising approach than anything else I had read about. I was more than willing to fly to Chicago. At last, I was seeing the glimpse of a sunrise on my long cold night. 

Just before booking my appointment and flight, I looked to see if Seattle had any clinics that offered the same procedure. I found a reputable UW dermatologist, Dr. Greene, who did PRP instead. It was more cost effective and it was here so no plane trips were required. I could book a consultation for the same week.

PRP is Platelet Rich Plasma treatment. I’ve had the procedure done a few times now. They draw my blood, put it through a centrifuge to separate the plasma from the red blood cells and inject it into my scalp. 

It’s a painful experience, but I’m usually hopped up on nitrous. 

When you first start, you have to do one round of 20 shots into the scalp every month for three months in a row. Then you can do annual maintenance treatments. After the first round, I was already noticing less shedding and new baby hairs. 

Platelet rich plasma has growth hormones/factors that stimulate the follicles and encourage new growth.

I was elated. Those new baby hairs filled me with renewed determination. I had wanted to make healthy eating, exercise, and meditation part of my life again and now I had an even stronger reason to start.

I had done enough research to know that there is no silver bullet for hair regeneration. 

You have to do several key things and do them consistently.  

It helps to have the PRP or stem cell therapy, but if you continue to live a stress-filled lifestyle and don’t take care of your mental and physical health, the effects will be lackluster and temporary. Consistent eating whole, natural, balanced meals and stress management (meditation and exercise + cold exposure) have been key to my recovery and will continue to be. 

I have done PRP for 3 years now and my hair and scalp are stronger and seeing increased coverage and growth. It’s a slow process, but I trust slow and steady. Dr. Greene and his knowledgeable and kind staff have been so gentle and supportive. It helps to have a kind group of professionals who are truly invested in improving your life, not just your hair helping you through the process.

It also helps to have supportive family and friends. As it turned out, the people that loved me couldn’t care less if I was bald. It took me a while to love myself back as much as they loved me. This foundation was essential to getting my mind right so that my body could start to be right and vis-e-versa. 

I also partner my treatments with a red light laser helmet that I use for 25 minutes at a time 3 times a week to increase blood flow and growth in the scalp. Scalp massages and proper hygiene are also important as the scalp has its own microbiome that you have to consider and it helps to stimulate blood flow by relaxing muscles and cells. As my mom says, “exercise the hair” with regular brushing sessions and massages.

 I take supplements like marine collagen which was shown to increase hair density in clinical studies. Curcumin is also great to help reduce inflammation. This partnered with healthy eating, exercise, cold exposure and meditation/breathwork have all been essential to my recovery.

I don’t think I’ll ever have 100 percent of my original hair density back. However, I now have less and less scalp showing and increasing hair density to the point that I don’t feel I have to hide or worry too much.  

As I started studying hair regeneration, I became aware how common this ailment is. 

So many women suffer from it and yet they have done so in silence and alone because there was such a social taboo. I’m glad things are starting to change.

Alopecia is a complicated disease and there are many forms of it. I happened to have androgenetic alopecia. It’s one of the more common ones and more heavily studied. That’s why it was somewhat reversible. I’m also lucky that women usually don’t have receding hairlines. I had overall thinning and a widening part. It was easier to mask than other forms of alopecia. 

I’m glad there are those out there that are brave enough to accept it and be open about it. Some women are even bold enough to go sans wig and I get so happy to see that. I know that if these treatments ever stop working, being bald and having cool wigs to try on doesn’t even seem that big of a deal anymore. I fought my way out of my emotional black hole and into the light of acceptance. I’m much more comfortable talking about it now and rarely ever get self conscious anymore. It still sneaks up on me from time to time. But I know now that it’s not the end of the world. 

I hope this article will help people learn more about alopecia and maybe offer some solace and guidance to those who may be suffering from it.

I have written a two part follow up to this post. 

Part one is my hair care/skin care resources and routines. 

The second is my meditation routine and research.

Whether or not you’re losing your hair, I think both articles will be useful resources in boosting your physical and mental well-being.

May good things come your way.