Music, solitude, and sauerkraut

“Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.” — Maya Angelou

“The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.” — Michel de Montaigne

“The food on your plate is not just a substance, it is not a material, it is not a commodity, it is life.” — Sadhguru

"Hi, it's me, I'm the problem it's me."

If this quote doesn’t make any sense to you then you may not be familiar with the musical stylings of our lord and savior, Taylor Swift.

That’s okay. But also, how dare you?

Though I tend to think that I am not the problem, I have problems, I still find Swift’s songs to be very relatable and validating. She can be goofy, poignant, whimsical and totally melodramatic. And so vulnerable. I think that’s why she has such a strong pull and ties to her fans. They feel seen and understood through her music. They don’t want to just be like her, they feel she’s just like them.

There’s something about music that speaks to our universal self. The part beyond language. I guess visual art does that too. It allows emotions to flow. It makes us feel less alone. It makes us feel awe.

Awe is an underappreciated mental tool. It can shake you out of just about any self pity spiral. It can make two people that have nothing in common, feel connected. We resonate, if briefly, as one.

The discovery of new music you connect to is also one of my favorite feelings. It sounds new and somehow familiar all at once. Most likely because the person who wrote it or created it felt what you feel at one time or another.

Art and music are how we see each other, hear each other, know each other. It can say things that we might not otherwise be able to articulate. It’s important because we so often feel disconnected.

That disconnection is painful. Feeling lonely is linked to depression suicide and lowered life expectancy and higher rates of disease. It’s not just a mental issue. The tendrils spread into the body. Our physiology can change when we feel lonely. Our nervous systems are tied to our partners, our families, our friends. Even our country. Our well-being is linked to one another.

And yet we are separate.

That is the cruelest of all universal jokes.

I suppose striving for connection will always be a work in progress.

I’ve been feeling the effects of loneliness my whole life. Mostly in the form of depression and anxiety. These conditions often are catalysts for a whole host of other issues like GI issues, head and neck pain and inflammation. These are just some of the life shrinking effects of loneliness.

Loneliness is not solitude. Loneliness is often born of misunderstanding and disconnection whereas solitude is a sanctuary of the self.

Solitude is being in harmony with oneself.

Loneliness is disharmony within the self.

Like most things, in short bursts, loneliness is a call to action — it’s a way for the body to know it needs solace and consolation. It needs connection. It may cause you to seek out friends or family for that much needed re-charge we can only find in the embrace of others.

However, when it becomes a prolonged state of helplessness. When, due to your mental state or due to your environment/society, it becomes harder and harder for you to connect with others or to feel good about yourself, that’s when it becomes a problem. A possibly life-threatening one.

I find that we often miscalculate the importance of our social needs. They are not luxuries. Maslow may have been wrong to assume that our base needs are food and shelter because I don’t know anyone who died by suicide because they were hungry.

I also don’t know of any mass shooters or fanatics who went on a rampage because they were hungry or needed shelter.

It’s often when we feel we have failed ourselves or those we care for the most or when we feel that we will never be valued or understood, that we hurt the most. And when we are our most dangerous.

So the work of art becomes even more perilous. It’s burdened with saving us.

One of my favorite films is Before Sunrise, the first of Richard Linklater’s trilogy with Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy. As the young couple, who met by chance only hours ago, walk the streets of Vienna knowing they must part at sunrise, they talk. They connect.

Celine (Delpy) says, “I believe that if there’s any kind of God it wouldn’t be in any of us, not you or me but just this little space in between. If there’s any kind of magic in this world it must be in the attempt of understanding someone sharing something. I know, it’s almost impossible to succeed, but who cares really? The answer must be in the attempt.”

We must be the antidote to the indifference of the universe. It starts with seeing and hearing each other. To witness. To be present.

I’ve written about the importance of listening because listening is the first step to understanding. It’s what we owe each other because the alternative is more loneliness and pain.

I also mentioned how important it is to offer ourselves the same courtesy we offer others. We have to learn to understand ourselves. Without solitude and meditation, it’s harder to really know who we are and what we believe. If we don’t know ourselves, we have less to offer others. And we will continue to fall into the traps of loneliness more often.

Starting with the self is important in all aspects. To love oneself. To know oneself. That is life’s greatest challenge.

I have been focusing on meditation, eating well and artistic pursuits to ward off my loneliness.

The other thing I’ve been warding off is inflammation.

Inflammation is the body’s natural immune response to stress and injury. In short bursts it’s beneficial, but when it overstays its welcome, it starts to break down the body itself and impede natural processes. Again, we can be our own worst enemy when we don’t understand how to work with our body.

Many illnesses can trace their roots back to inflammation.

Mine often messes with my gut, sleep and joints.

And when you mess with the gut and sleep, you impede mental health. And poor mental health will then again impede physical well being and it turns into one viscous snake eating its tail.

Along with good sleep hygiene and stress management, I found it useful to introduce more living foods to my diet.

Living foods or fermented foods are rich in probiotics. If you make them yourself and do a wild ferment, you will have access to billions of unique microbes that are good for your belly.

Eating plants on its own is a wonder drug. Plants are chemistry masters. They can take sunlight and make food for themselves like it ain’t no thang. They can kill, they can nourish, they can clothe and they can heal us. We use them for everything from building our homes, to clothing to food, and medicine. And they are so good at the whole oxygen making thing. Truly appreciate that.

Plants produce phytochemicals or phytonutrients that naturally have anti-inflammatory effects. The plant’s immune system will help boost yours too.

And then when you add fermentation on top of that, you’re not only getting the phytonutrients, you’re getting the nutrients unlocked during the bacteria and yeast’s metabolic process that would have been unavailable otherwise.

Fermentation is such a curious thing. When I first mixed up my sourdough starter and watched the yeasts from my skin and the air breathe life into the flour and water, I was pretty wonderstruck. I had the capability of creating life this whole time in such a simple way and no one had ever told me! Ever since kindergarten, I had only been told that germs are bad and leaving food out meant destroying it. I had no idea you could incubate good germs in the right conditions.

It made me see the world differently. We share our planet, our homes, our bodies with so many types of little critters whose life cycles and natural processes allow us to thrive. We are an ecosystem. We contain multitudes.

After the “birth” of my sourdough starters Una (whole wheat and all purpose flour) and Rye-ah (rye flour) I started baking fresh breads and the taste/texture are out of this world. And there’s nothing more satisfying than eating food you constructed from the ground up. (Well, mostly as I don’t grow my own wheat…yet.)

Then, as my interest grew in learning about the little microbes that make all this possible, I found myself pulled towards foods like sauerkraut and kimchi and kombucha.

These three are fairly simple to create but take about 2–3 weeks at room temp to be ready. The wait is worth it.

I found the recipes in the Farmhouse Culture Fermentation book.

The author’s really do a good job of prepping beginners in the basic science and techniques of fermentation. It’s a gorgeous resource and very inspiring.

Once you have the basics, fermentation stops feeling like a daunting Russian roulette with botulism, but a technique you can trust.

You’ll soon be feeling like a kitchen witch with all the little jars of bubbling goodness brewing all around your home.

And each batch will be unique to you and your process. You can’t buy it or recreate it anywhere else. Each batch tastes a bit different and it’s glorious to have a little miracle in a jar on your kitchen counter. The flavors will floor you as well as the breadth of ways you can incorporate them into your meals. I love a fresh baked bread sandwich with mayo, sauerkraut, cheese and egg. The best things are the simple things.

They take time and patience — as nature intended. It’s the exact opposite of fast foods. I’ve noticed my gut health and mood are definitely more resilient since I’ve been brewing my own buch’ and making my own sauerkraut. It’s also a great gift. Because food is about community too.

The way we grow and process and eat our food is a way of life. It can heal us and bring us together if we do it right. It can heal the loneliness. It can feed your soul as well as nourish your body.

I will link to PickUpLimes’ article on inflammation here — https://www.pickuplimes.com/article/inflammation-151 — for anyone that would like to learn more. She’s one of my favorite resources for health and food related content. And It’s Alive with Brad Leone is a fun way to look into fermentation fun. https://youtu.be/RQOhAeNAjKc

I hope you’ll try it out yourself! Keep healing!